crowned with love.

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's....For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:1-5, 11-12

accidental acetone.

Next time I guess I'll be wearing gloves.

I haven't done my nails...in forever. But, thankfully, being sick last weekend gave me plenty of time to relax and get my nails looking all glitzy and neat. And oh, did they look good!
--till yesterday, when I accidentally rubbed half the polish off with the acetone we use to wash all our glassware in organic chem lab.
It's okay though; I was getting impatient to change colors anyway!

she calls me wheelchair.

In front of the DIA, Detroit, MI.

This is Meredith.
Remember September 11, 2001? Well, that's the day I met this lovely woman. We were homeschooled together, had pet beagles together, took riding lessons together, fell in love with books by Jane Austen and Ted Dekker and C.S. Lewis together, and graduated high school together. She loves Beauty & the Beast. She's been studying at Cornerstone University for the past three years to get her degree in photojournalism; and I can't believe it, but she's going to be graduating this spring. And I'm almost jealous because I have at least two years left (if not three) before I'm done with undergrad, and then--who knows how long if I stay with premed! But we all have different stories...and I can't wait to see the different directions ours go, and the different discoveries we'll make through each other.
I don't have to wait for long, though, because she already has an amazing photography blog called the perfect rhyme. I get a little giddy inside every time I see she's posted something new, because it's always full of color and sparkle and vintage-ness and smiles.
Like her.

Us being awkward. As good friends should be.

secret wishes & real-life dreams.

So I have a little dream. One day I'd love to manage a little cafe, top floor of some old-ish downtown building in some small-ish city, with a patio open to the skyline and the night, maybe a live jazz band or cellist coming in every Saturday night or so, with a vine-covered trellis roof to cover the patio section and white curtains to separate it from the indoors. There would be a wood floor, and an almost-narrow staircase you'd have to climb to get from the hostess to the dining area; and I'd hire some new chef who needed room to make mistakes and take risks and just have fun creating, and we'd serve the freshest ingredients and the most fragrant teas and the most expertly-crafted coffees. And it would be so much hard work every day and every night--but it would be amazing.
I'm not majoring in Culinary Arts or Business Management though, so somehow I doubt this is the dream I'll end up realizing. But I'm pretty okay with that, because I've already found an amazing spot to study & make dreams & laugh with people I love.
Hepburn's is absolutely the best restaurant/cafe I have come across in the Macomb/Oakland counties area. They've fallen in love with the brilliant idea that is European crepes--true crepes--and made it available to the variety-starved appetites of us Michiganders...and for that, I can't thank them enough. But as if the food weren't fresh and wildly good and beautiful enough to keep me going back to try every item on the menu, they made their cafe the cutest little place you could imagine--especially if you adore classic movies. There's art of Audrey Hepburn everywhere--plaques and cookies and a dressing room screen and portraits and quotations showing off her little black dress and long gloves and unmistakable silhouette. Screenshots of classic movies cover the walls; the bathrooms say "Actress" and "Actor"; and the manager/former ballerina, Deanna Birg (who is lovely in her own right), is always ready to greet you with a smile and ask about your life.
Can you tell I'm completely hooked?
Go discover something brilliant and beautiful at Hepburn's Cafe. I think you might just love it.

last weekend.

humility.

humility is the end of focusing on whether you’re better or worse than someone else.

it’s focusing on being like Christ, on the One who will reveal who we truly are. we were made in God’s image--focusing on living like Christ, who is the fullness of God revealed in man, is the one thing that will bring out our true selves from the corruption that our sinful nature has encased us in.

it’s learning that “being better than everyone else”…well, that it’s really not that great a goal at all.

it’s having the attitude that everyone else is better than you

instead of

that you are better than everyone else.

is this dishonest? is God (who seems to be pretty obsessed with truth) asking us to ignore reality to live like this?

well...what would make us better than anyone else?

better attitudes, better actions, better thoughts, better dreams, better pursuits?

let’s say someone is a murderer, and I…well, you know, I tell other people’s secrets sometimes. or something. it really isn’t much.

“For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” (James 2:10).

according to that we’re both equal in God’s sight. cause we’re both guilty. it really makes no difference how guilty. we’re both guilty.

except not anymore, cause Jesus took our punishment. so now we’re both holy. or at least, we’re being made holy.

and now…all I have responsibility for is how I live. I can’t do anything about how someone else lives…but I can do something about how I live. so it’s a lot more important to me when I break God’s law. I know my weaknesses and failures far better than I know anyone else’s, and better than anyone else knows mine. so as far as I’m concerned, since my weaknesses are the only ones I can do anything about, they’re the only ones I need be concerned with. as far as I’m concerned, whether other people are “better” or “worse” than me makes no difference. I still have issues I need to deal with. maybe when I get past every single one of my issues, maybe when I’ve gotten every single plank out of my own eye, I can start worrying about other people’s mites. maybe then, once I’m perfect, me & Jesus can have a little chat about how to deal with other people. but till then my focus is on him.

“consider others better than yourselves”

so what, God wants me to think I suck?

like, ‘oh, snap, look at how awesome that kid is. and how lame I am.

I suck.’

um, no. God doesn’t think of me that way, so neither should I.

remember? I am chosen; I am holy; I am dearly loved.

I in no way suck.

anyway. the point is unity. the point is that we quit focusing on trying to separate ourselves from everyone else in order to make us feel good.

what’s so awesome about being first anyway?

does God want us to want to be first?

we love being first because it’s being closer to perfection.

maybe it’s even, in some ways, defining perfection.

but isn’t the definition of perfection pretty much just God?

so if our quest to be first is rooted in a quest for perfection…

maybe we should quit wasting our time on that and just quest for God.

along with everyone else who loves him.

maybe we should start valuing the people who share our values.

humility is realizing that our true selves are already guaranteed

that nothing we do can gain or lose them once we are found in Christ

and that we can let go of our quest to “find ourselves”

cause we’ve already been found.

Jesus was “in very nature God” but he “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.”

he didn’t have to do anything

or look like anything

or keep any position

or make anyone else feel smaller so he could feel bigger

or do whatever he wanted

to keep his true identity.

because his true identity was guaranteed in and by God.

he was free.

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.”

Philippians 2:10,11

I am not a writer.

I'm sure that will become painfully obvious in the days ahead. Writing is, to an extent, like pulling teeth for me. Not that I've ever experienced that, but it sounds painful and complicated. And...prolonged. Which is a strikingly accurate picture of what writing is to me.
It's not that I don't like writing. I love it. Well, okay...I like it. I rarely admit it, but I like it. In certain contexts. I love how writing has the power to organize and preserve thoughts, because I have many of them and I think a few of them are actually somewhat interesting. So I enjoy being able to understand those thoughts better. I also am amazed that we communicate so deeply and quickly through writing. I am fascinated by words and what they mean. I am fascinated by meaning in general. I am fascinated by the life that is expressed in meaning.
Apparently I am easily fascinated.
Anyway. I simply enjoy writing, because I enjoy understanding, because I have an analytical mind. And it's that mind that makes writing painful for me. I will say without hesitation that I am not a creative writer. I do not write, and never have written, stories. I like to stick to facts and opinions of those facts and very organized and logical thoughts in general. So when I write, it takes me a lot of time and a lot of brain because I obsess over what I say until I think it makes sense and is grammatically correct and doesn't sound like something...weird.
Maybe I just need a more fascinating way to mumble to myself.